Before I forget...or is it a Second thought...

For some reason I feel the need to add another post tonight...

Many questions I have are unasked
Maybe I'm afraid of the answers
The truth they hold hostage under propaganda that I can see through
Why am I tentative to proceed through the doors that hold the keys
Unlocking treasures or pandora's box...riches or curses
Now I'm a strong man by many perceptions...yet I still have these questions
Confession sessions that hang in the balance like November elections
Cause I know once I ask...My heart undoubtly will be on display
By popular demand...to my dismay
Or would it...or could it be fear and aneixity lurking about
In the deepest corners of thoughts causing doubt
Complexity covers my simplest wants, desires, and moods
Viewed rigid, cold, and sometimes rude
Worn like protection...but from what???
Now that's a good ass question...from what I ask myself
Success...wealth...companionship...love
Afraid of failure...poverity...lonliness...rejection
I think it's more a fear of loss that has me hesitant to ask...
Attempting not too get gased from my few gains in life
Humbled by the many pains and strife
A never end cycle that gets a bit vicious with every rotation
Overanalyzing I seem to do
So if I have an inquizitive look about me...be patient, I'll ask you

No Frills

I know I've said this before but I'll say it again...I hate f**king Mondays...But I'm blessed.

Today I was reassured that there are indeed "Brown Nosers" out there that eat shit for breakfast. Some unimportant microbe at work decided he/she was going to blow up everyone's spot today by saying "Everyone" in the department was late today. Now where I work it is necessary for you to be on time being that you never know what crisis maybe taking place. Well this morning being non-eventful they figured they will get things shook up a bit. Now peep this...this person notified Senior Management (Not even the direct managers knew what the hell was going on) at 8:45 AM, with a list of indivisuals who were not present. Myself and my co-worker in my group were on the list. Here's where it gets funny...if the shit eater had checked the schedule, which has been the same for the last ummm 2 years...they would know that my co-worker comes in at 8:30 (Which he was, and was able to prove so) and that I come in at 9 AM...so what the f**K. I can't stand people who feel they need to prove themselves of any worthiness in the corporate environment by playing the snitch (Or as I said last week..."The Interceptor"). Can't stand it!!! *Throwing shoe at the window*

Now back to regularly scheduled programming...

The Day

If there is ever a day that I wish I could skip...It would be Monday...especially the Monday after returning from vacation. But with the "Most High" being wonderful...I've been given the blessing of another day.

I have returned from my trip to the Durty...NC. Definitely a memorable experience, as usual. At least I had witness to the forever creation of topics that seem to come up after a trip down there. For instance-The Man with the "Tomato Burger"...or the "Man in the Black Shirt"...or "The Shower Scene" from the movie that John Woo wish he made...or "The Engine that could but didn't...but decided to later"...or many more. So the trip will definitely be unforgettable, again, as usual.

Today at work was the usual let's see if he (meaning me) can pull a rabbit out of his hat while spinning plates on sticks with food in them...and to make things interesting while he's doing that let's make him wear rollerblades on ice=my day

I've been going through a sort of a writers block lately...a boulder might be a better explanation. There are so many things on and in my mind right now, but I can't make any sense of things when I try to put it to paper in any form of a conscious and coherent thought. So I thought, if you wouldn't mind...(well I really don't care because it is my "Blog" and suppose to write this in the manner of a journal that no one is suppose to see...right.) I'm going to make an attempt to write something now...

Heavy thoughts on my mind weighing like bricks
Problems without solutions are making me sick
Issues without resolutions sounds like a bunch of politics
Basically I'm dealing with the bullshit
Daily like the newspaper, waiting on the next headline
The next crisis dealing with someone else's shit...but there is a fine line
Between me being me and me stepping out of character
Weekly everyone seems to cross it
I could color it the brightest red imagined with flashing strobe lights
They still wouldn't see it...saying they were blinded, it was too bright
Monthly bills are still due...and they want their money
Hell they call me every night...more than my ex did...so were cool
We're on a first name basis...and Jenny's daughter is starting 1st Grade next week
John and his wife Deb had a fight last night...I can relate
Don't let that check be late
Yearly this cycle repeats itself...I can't even speak for myself
Some say silence is golden...but me quiet is like watching a fire as its smoldering
Holding on too tight to regrets is giving me blisters
Igniting infernos that spread to the furtherest reaches of thoughts that never sleep
Like NYC
Cause when they dream they can't see clearly
From all the smoke that's thick like coats of black paint
That stain when you touch it...some say meditate
Even in the lotus position I can't escape and scale the gate to witness fate as it demostrates
Some say be patient...I'm about as patient as an hyprocondriac waiting on his HIV Test
Positive, Negative, etc.
Feeling like prey and time is the preditor
Or is it the editor
Repeating the same chapter for the laughter
Or is it I'm a bad actor...haven't preped properly for role I portray
Waiting for the director to say cut...but hasn't even said action
Sometimes at 7:30 in the morning I lay in bed...I think...who gets the most satisfaction...my job...the collectors...or the interceptors
Yeah you know the interceptors...the ones who will try with every living molecule in their body to make sure they benefit from your mishaps and misgivens
For that purpose I attempt turn every incident into a blessing
Every stumble into stride
If not for myself...for my pride

WTF?!?!

Today's post is about a few things that make me say...WTF!!!!!!!

1. The Governor of my home state (New Jersey) annouces that he's gay and had an affair with another guy. WTF
2. Is it me or is it that all the cute girls in the NYC Metro Area are either taken or crazy. WTF
3. Why is that people on the job wait until 2 days before you go on vacation to drop shit in your lap. WTF
4. How does taking down one's liecence and plate number prevent a terrorist attack. WTF
5. Is it me or is it taking too long for Season 3 of Chappelle Show to start...or is it that there is nothing else on. WTF
6. Why is it when I get stuck in traffic is when I have to take a piss? WTF
7. Reality TV. WTF
8. Drunk ass mofos that hang around gas stations. WTF
9. Traffic backed up in the E-Pass Lane. WTF
10. Sprite Remix...don't they know that there is only one true remix that was hot...Senario Remix, son. WTF
11. Starbucks coffee. WTF
12. People who manage to wet...scratch that, drown the counter tops in public bathrooms...and the mirrors too. WTF
13. Bush or Kerry? WTF
14. Coke C2 or Pepsi Edge? WTF
15. Why is it when you want to hear your favorite cd the most...can't find it? WTF
15a. When you do find it...the shit skips. WTF

No Idea

I have no idea what the hell I feel like writing about...not a a clue. I'm just sitting here counting down the days until my vacation. Where am I going you ask? Some Caribbean Island...no. Some European country...no. North Carolina...What!!! Other plans for my summer vacation were cancelled due to unnamed parties.

So I'm hitting I-95 & I-85 South...to the Durty...that's right I said D-u-r-t-y. Anyway...this trip I have a co-pilot, "Nichole" is coming (consealing last name because stories that I may have when we get back...want to make sure she is still employable). She hasn't been down south before, (Atlanta and Miami don't count) so damn is she in for a culture shock. I'll try and spare her the experience of Strip Clubs in the Backwoods (experienced for the first time in September '03..."How low do you go Shawty"?). In any case...there is plenty to see down in the NC. For one in the "Bull City" (Durham, NC) the crackheads hold relay races at 2 AM on Halloway...naw I'm playing. For me to describe half the things would be entirely too difficult (Being under the influence doesn't help...or does it), you just have to see it for yourself. But one incident comes to mind...it's not about NC...but about southern VA (Close enough). One late night/early morning on our way down to ATL, my boys and I stop at this gas station to fill up the tank (I hate Expeditions...the damn tank is the size of a swimming pool and it chugs that shit). So we go into the store to pay for it...its approx. 3:00 AM...Why was there 9 year boy in the store buying a loaf of bread? Why was there a crowd of people around 3 slot machines? Why were the prizes in the slot machines calling cards? Why wasn't I high or drunk so I could say I was seeing shit? Oh I was driving.

Some stories come to mind involving tractors and shit, but I'll spare you those. But in a way it feels real good to go down there. I remember when I used to spend entire summers down there, and not wanting to come back home. Nice fresh clean air (expect by my Grandmother who lived near a Paper Mill...I'll probably start glowing in the dark or grow another ear or some shit in a year or two) to breathe in. Nice red clay to phuck up a new pair of sneakers in...damn I miss it. Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays...defining the term Niggaritis. I can remember (and still) when visiting other family members and friends of family...you had to eat at every---single---house, or it was an insult. I would come back home and still be chewing stuffing hidden on the side of my mouth with some cranberry sause. Can't forget the Iced Tea...if you're a diabetic...don't EVER get iced tea down in the Durty...you'll die...instantly. If sugar was ever in short supply...you'll know why. I think they dump the 5 pound bag of sugar in the phucker. Stir it...and dump another 5 pound bag in the shit. But that shit is good as hell if you dig sweet stuff (Note: That's how I like my women too). But any way enough of me talking about this, cause I don't want to call into work and drive down tonight...cause I have done something on that level before.

My 26th Birthday (8/18)
Am I looking forward to it...I dunno yet. Ask me when I turn 27.

Slightly Inebriated

My intentions last night were not get drunk...but when you have 4 drinks back to back...without eating...it's bound to happen. But then again I can handle the sauce...but damn this morning if the room wasn't spinning.

-Funny Ass People

I'm not talking about "funny" like "shady", but like "Ha, Ha, Ha you funny man" people. Last night myself and a couple friends got together and went out to see a taping of "comedy Central Presents...". If anyone has been to such a taping you will know that usually they don't tell you who is performing, because they don't want a big rush of people to catch a free show. So as I'm waiting in line (waiting on someone in particular, who's idenity I'll protect because she was the last one to get there and you know that there is always one...ya know I'm playing wit ya) I saw Aries Spears from MadTV (Does funny ass impressions) walking down the street. So I just assumed he was just checking out the show or something. When the person who I was "waiting" on finally got there we went in. Not really knowing what to expect from the show, cause I've seen the show before and no disrespect to any comedian but some of them just were not funny...the first comedian (Rocky LaRorte, I think that's how you spell his last name...had to grow on us) was pretty good. Now thinking that the next comedian would be on the same level I figure it couldn't be any worse. To my surprise Aries Spears was the closing comedian....When I say he was funny...I mean the damn boy was funny. This was my first time seeing him do stand-up...he was definitely on his game. He literally had the audience, including myself in tears. What really put the crowd over the top had to be his impressions...if you closed your eyes you would thought the people he was impersonating were on stage. He went from Tyson to Shaq to Bill Cosby to damn near everybody. (Someone elses favorite was Denzel Washington...or how she puts it "Dennnnnnnnnnzeeeeeel". I got work on my Denzel impressions) This cat has true talent. So if he is coming to your area...go see him...Support the brother. As he said he's not a millionaire...he's a thousandaire...help him get his millions he deserves.

-Rick James' Passing

As I was typing this up I got word that Rick James passed away this morning in his home in Los Angeles. Rick was definitely a pioneer in music, doing and saying things that the average person was scared to do. Of course now what he was writing about is now the mainstream, he deserves the credit for opening some of the doors that other artists were able to walk through...man damn who else can write an ill ass song about smoking...

A Glutton for Punishment

I decided to write tonight through the advice of a friend, who has noticed I have been neglecting this like a bald headed step child. Tonight's subject as you can see from the title is about how I must have a love of bullshit. Not just any bullshit...the kind that makes the shit smell stay on ya for days. Kinda like when you step in shit and you clean the shoes, only to have the shit smell come back (ie January 2004 Philadelphia Art Musuem...should of listened when she said watch your step).

-Work Bullshit

This morning around 5 am the stupid power went out. Luckily my 6th sense woke me up just as it came back on or I would of been late to work (nothing new there). I actually made to work on time...I should of known something evil was on the horizon....cause not only was I on time...get this...I was early (*Twlight Zone Theme playing*)...a whole 3 minutes early. Something told me that I was in store for some shit today though...things were running all too damn smooth. Then it happened...10 AM...I picked up my phone to make a call...and I didn't get off of the damn phone until 4:15. Not because I was coaching a pregnant woman as she was giving birth...Because somebody may have (words chosen wisely) been trying to avoid doing their job. Thus I was submerged in the 80ft. deep pool of pure bullshit. Every which way they turn...it came squeezing out...the bullshit. "I can't" they said..."It won't" they cried..."It's not working" they sighed. So I could n't do anyhting else today but to get this stupid "thing" to work (No puns intended). When I finally got it to work...this person came up with every excuse why they wouldn't use this thing now, after I spent 7 hours trying to get it work, when they "may" (words chosen wisely again) been sabatoging it the whole time...they didn't want to use the "thing". BASTARD ass...(taking deep breath). So I have made the decision to go back into work tomorrow, not looking for revenge...not to whine or bitch...cause I fucking have to...thus a I must be a glutton...well at least they pay me...or least they did last pay cycle.

-Personal Bullshit

I think the worse thing anyone can do to someone is to insult ones intellegence. Now its one thing when the person is about about as smart as dog shit canned and labeled, but its another thing when the person posseses two of the world's tresures, memory and good old common sense. Usually the two come in a tandem, and they spawn other tools like the ability to therorize and "putting two and two together". Some people fail to regcognize such keep sakes as these when attempting to tell something that I like to call...a...damn lie...or better yet, a lame ass excuse. Not to get into what brought this topic on...cause they're plenty of them (if you feel any guilt right now...then it's working...LOL) that can trigger something like this. But please do the world a favor...drop the act...it ain't helping none. OK...now that I've got that off my chest...let's talk about other things...well...when I come up up with something I'll write about it